So what's it like being an ADHD man? Imagine having 10 TVs, about 15 YouTube videos, several Netflix movies and 12 video games all playing at the same time, frequently at a very high volume, too! Meanwhile, your spouse/significant other is itemizing all the tasks she would like you to accomplish this Saturday afternoon and for no apparent reason, she starts getting mad.
What's the problem, you wonder, feeling a little irritated that you're "in trouble" yet again,
and clearly for no reason.
Oh, now I get it--I didn't hear a word you said, honey, except "blah, blah, blah...dishwasher."
And what's the big deal--there's plenty of time to get to all of it as it's Saturday.
But when we step back, we see why relationships can become strained pretty quickly from the above-mentioned scenario. That's because if we're really honest with ourselves, you're not listening to her. Ah, that's an easy fix because all you have to do is start listening to her, right? Wrong. Listening is only half of the battle. The other half is getting yourself to believe that she's serious about getting all these tasks done before Saturday is over.
That's because in ADHDLand there are only two time zones...right now and long ago, with long ago meaning five minutes ago or maybe five months ago as it all feels pretty much the same to an ADHD guy. For most guys, time is linear with him in the present, the past behind him and the future in front of him but due to some of the attributes of the ADHD brain, there's a certain time distortion resulting in time being measured as a serious of "now" moments in rapid succession.
That's why it's like you don't learn basics because every day is a time to learn it new all over again!
We all have a Boredom Quotient--how much boredom we can tolerate--but we ADHD guys? We get bored in half a second! That's why we have all these ridiculous interests and hobbies to prevent the boredom which comes from having the attention span of a gnat. Yet again, another reason why we have difficulty with follow-through and task completion which frequently drives other people to distraction (excuse the play on words).
But the real question is what can you do about any of this? Here's the formula, gentlemen...
Stop talking for a moment and listen to what she's asking.
Force yourself to believe that it's true... she really means it so believe her.
Now follow through on the task on hand. If it's an hour job in front of you, do it for 13 minutes then take a 2 minute break ( four times) but no looking at your phone, not even for a second.
Ta-Da! Mission accomplished and you're no longer in the dog house! And there's still time to play a video game or YouTube yourself into oblivion!
And the dog image above? It's an ADHD dog...and he got bored...see what happened?